Walmart

Walmart Jokes

Wrist

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

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  • Mom

    Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!

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  • Scan

    Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

    Alfred: Why?

    Me: because I'm worthless... =)

    Gun

    I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

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  • Time

    Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.

    Afghanistan

    Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?

    A: Because there's a Target on every corner.

    Backpack

    You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.

    Grandpa

    When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"

    Monkey

    Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.

    One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,

    "We will give you a replacement!"

    Son

    Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

    Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

    ...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

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  • Mum

    Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.