First Time jokes

*School shooting happens*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*

American student: "First time?"

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.

The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.

The man asks, "Is it your first time?"

The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.

I want my first time to be special.

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome. I told my mom I wanted my first time to be special.

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

A teenage boy decides to go see a hooker for the first time and asks his experienced uncle for some tips.

"Uncle, what should I do about the hooker name? Should I ask her real name or should I come up with a name for her myself?"

"Kid, I've been fucking hookers for 20 years and I didn't even know they had names."