First Time Jokes

*School shooting happens*

Foreign exchange student: *Sobbing under desk*

American student: "First time?"

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.

Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.

Radiohead had to remake "Fake Plastic Trees" after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

An elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home.

The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game.

The man asks, "Is it your first time?"

The woman replies, "It's been a while since a man has asked me that."

What does your first football game and your first time having sex have in common?

You were bloody and battered but at least your dad came.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...

I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.

2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

what's the worst thing to say to an emo?

if you don't succeed the first time, try try try again.

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.

They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!

One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.

Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Little Johnny. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Little Johnny what was happening.

Little Johnny's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

Why do Pirates say "Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"?

First time out at sea, they prepare for battle and say to their commander:

"The canons be ready, Captain!"

"Are," says the Captain (correcting their grammar).

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!" they all exclaimed!

"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."

"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."

Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

Because it was Luke warm.