Time travel jokes

Your hairline is so bad, it goes back in time!

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Why did the hobo go back to the future?

To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.

Is your hairline a time traveler, because it went way back?

A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.

Wanna go to suicide school, then time travel to Hitler's bunker and ask him to teach you?

How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.

You travel to the past into the era where Julius Caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die?"

You reply with: "Surrounded by friends."

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.

Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.

A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you did not like it.

"Back To The Future"-Doc: You can time travel to anytime in HISTORY, Marty, but NEVER go to the year 2021.....

I traveled through time to get my dad back.

I failed because I was 1e21 years off.

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

Scientist time travels into the year 2024.

Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?

Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?

Hairline so big people had to time travel to find the end of it.

Two Timetravers walk into a bar...

...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."