Time

Time jokes

Ex

    • When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

    Day

    • I had the BEST day EVER.

    1: I woke up.

    2: I met someone I'm sad about.

    3: I had fun and got them back again online.

    But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

    Tree

    • What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

    I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

    Time memes

    Penis

    • My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

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    • Mind

    • Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.

    Dad

    • This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

    Cat

    • Kat, what? I did. A cat jump over the road because he believes he came flying in the clouds. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah! So funniest kitten kitten kitten kidding is my last time of Do you Joooooooooooooooooooooookin?

    Car

    • So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

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    • Ronaldo

    • It was an important knockout game for Al Nassr. I came to Riyad to see my idol Cristiano Ronaldo play. It was my dream for a long time. I took a cab to the stadium, but the driver dropped me off at a haunted house instead.

    As soon as I entered the house, I saw a ghost, but the very next moment I realized it's my idolo Ronaldo. Thank you Ronaldo for meeting me!

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    • Morgue

    • Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

    So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

    He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

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    • Teen

    • Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.

    Condoms 99 percent effective.

    Birth control 99 percent effective.

    Etc.

    Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)

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    • Shower

    • Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.

    She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.

    "S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."

    They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."

    "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"

    "I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

    "Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."

    "Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

    "No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."

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