Time jokes

Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.

This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"

What time is it when you say "what?"

Time to start over!

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Why are there only 363 days on an orphan's calendar?

They don't have Father's Day and Mother's Day.

My grandpa and your hairline go way back.

I would have loved to ride the Titanic at least once ;)

iykyk

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

What do Karens do when they have free time?

They do KARENoke and sing a Karen song.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"

....yes, it is "long time no see."

What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?

Time to get outside!

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"

Hi, oooo was the day I was a kid. I was going home to school today after dinner!

"Have fun at school night" is what?

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?

Time to beet your maker.