Time jokes

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.

One time, a cow saved my life.

It was bovine intervention.

Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?

Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Yo mama so fat, her belly button got 15 minutes before her.

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?

"Are you ready for fall?"

Is your hairline a time traveler, because it went way back?

I just beat the Hollow Knight and found it takes 26 hours to beat it, but it took me 69 hours to beat it.

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?

'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.

Your forehead is so big that it has five different time zones!

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.