Time Jokes

Guess what's "tiiiimmeeeee ABDE?"

....yes, it is "long time no see."

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times?

I tried that with my dishwasher, but unfortunately, she ended up pregnant...

Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."

A text message conversation shows a question: "what is LGBT?" The response is a photo of a lasagna and garlic bread with the text "Lasagna garlic bread time". A second message says "Thanks"

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "She was a little tardy."

I asked her, "I thought they all were."

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.

Yo mama's so fat that every time she goes on an elevator, it goes down.

You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

Three guys walk into a room where a man is sitting with an assortment of foods on his plate because it's lunchtime. The guys ask the man to do a favor, and he says, "Sorry guys, I have a lot on my plate!"

What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?

Time to beet your maker.

Kids, next time you have school dinners, make sure you have something you actually like so you don't have to shove all your food over to one side of the plate to make it look like you've eaten more than you actually have.