Time jokes
Why are orphans so sad?
Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."
Why do your orphans not drink beer?
Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.
What did the beach say when the tide came in?
"Long time no sea."
What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.
One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.
tim
Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.
This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
I had the BEST day EVER.
1: I woke up.
2: I met someone I'm sad about.
3: I had fun and got them back again online.
But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD
Have a great day today!
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!
What's the only time women are doing real work? When they are giving blow jobs.
I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
What brakes but never falls, and what falls but never brakes?
Answer: Night falls and dawn brakes.