Time jokes

I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?

Yo momma is so old, she farts dust!

My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

Scientist time travels into the year 2024.

Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?

Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?

What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?

A baby you cut one off each time.

Why do your orphans not drink beer?

Because last time they did, he went to suck some dudes' toes, then he tried to take him to his parents, but I guess that never happened.

Why are orphans so sad?

Because every time they swallow, they think... "You should have Mom."

What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.

What did the beach say when the tide came in?

"Long time no sea."

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.

I had the BEST day EVER.

1: I woke up.

2: I met someone I'm sad about.

3: I had fun and got them back again online.

But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st... XD

My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!

What kind of star will come out in the daytime?

A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂

When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

Glad to present you a wood clock.

https://olegon.ru/clock/

When do eggs hatch?

At the CRACK of dawn!

One day I had the munchies, so I ate a clock. It was very... time consuming.

Wanna hear a joke about measurement... never mind, it would take too long.

This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?