Time jokes

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.

Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?

Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.

One time, a cow saved my life.

It was bovine intervention.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

I just beat the Hollow Knight and found it takes 26 hours to beat it, but it took me 69 hours to beat it.

What month has 28 days?

All of them.

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

Is your hairline a time traveler, because it went way back?

I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?

"Are you ready for fall?"

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

Gf: Babe, do you love me?

Bf: Count the stars and that's how much I love you.

Gf: But it's morning, sweetie...

Bf: Exactly.

Gf: :0, I'll take that as a no.

Hello, everyone, how is your day today?

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

That autistic kid having sex for the first time:

"U The Hips, U The Hips!"

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?

'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.

Your forehead is so big that it has five different time zones!