Time jokes

What did the minute hand say to the hour hand?

Why are you so tall?

Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.

I can't sit down anymore... My dad went too far this time.

Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?

Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.

One time, a cow saved my life.

It was bovine intervention.

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

What's the time?

How would I know?

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

Yo mama so old,

her memory is black and white.

Yo mama's so fat that every time she goes on an elevator, it goes down.

Why can’t you tell JFK facts about Dallas?

Last time he was there, he got his mind blown.

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

Hi guys, I am Logan Taub the toad. I just want to say that my cock is so, so, so tiny. It could fit 50 times in the crack of my butt chin!!!!! Also, I am trans👍

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?

A blast from the past!

If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?

Because it's in between 9/11.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."