Time jokes

Me: The last time I used Duolingo was when the dinosaurs went extinct.

Duolingo: Lemme send my twins 2 go 2 ur houze (I got sideways8 twins)

What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?

A blast from the past!

If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?

Because it's in between 9/11.

Yo mama so old,

her memory is black and white.

I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?

'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.

Your forehead is so big that it has five different time zones!

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

That autistic kid having sex for the first time:

"U The Hips, U The Hips!"

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered!"

Is your hairline a time traveler, because it went way back?

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?

"Are you ready for fall?"