Time

Time jokes

Number

If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?

Because it's in between 9/11.

Hairline

I swear, if I compared the size of your mother and multiplied it by the time your dad was gone, it wouldn't even be close to your hairline.

Weight

You are so fat that the last time you stepped on the weighing scale, the doctor said, "I want your weight and not [your] phone number."

Accident

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

Friend

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Game Night

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

Mirror

Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?

Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.

Food

You know why morning food digests so quickly.

Because it breaks fast.

Number

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?

'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.

Wheelchair

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Friend

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

Sex

That autistic kid having sex for the first time:

"U The Hips, U The Hips!"

Insult

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

Tower

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower in summer?

"Are you ready for fall?"

Hollow Knight

I just beat the Hollow Knight and found it takes 26 hours to beat it, but it took me 69 hours to beat it.