Time jokes
Yo mama got a daughter in a relationship, and I don't have time for you, ASAP, daughter, daughter, or your mother, or your call, or your choice of choice.
A 13 year old girl is having a sleepover. One of her friends asks, "When was the last time you had an orgasm?" She replies, "3 days ago." Dad comes bursting in, "I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING LAST NIGHT!"
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
Why was the man fired from a calendar factory? He took a day off.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
One time, a cow saved my life.
It was bovine intervention.
Can February march? -- No, but April may.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?
Because it was Luke warm.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."