Thing jokes

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!

Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.

These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.

My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.

What's the good thing about child perverts?

They drive slow in a school zone.

The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.

What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?

"I like ya cut G" means two different things.

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?

A. They drive slow through school zones.

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?

Adolf Hit-her.

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.