Thing jokes
What's the worst living thing on planet earth?
Humans.
What was a pedophile's hardest thing? Fitting in!
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"
What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
I’m trying to see things from LEO’S perspective... but I just can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
Why do men say funny things? Just to be silly!
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.
What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
"I like ya cut G" means two different things.
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?
Adolf Hit-her.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!