Thing jokes

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

What's the most motivational thing to say to an orphan? Go big or go home!

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"

That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.

What's the good thing about child perverts?

They drive slow in a school zone.

Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.

Hey! My balls are on your thing!

I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.

Sorry man... I kinda messed those things up.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

MMM ppl just chat random things together.... JUST WRITE JOKES YA'LL!

Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?

They're the same thing.

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.