Thing jokes
My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"
I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."
She was amazed!
If a black person calls you a cracker, let them say it. You can say things they can't say, like, "Thanks for the warning, officer!"
What is the worst thing that Nazis have done?
Adolf Hit-her.
When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.
Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?
Thing 2: I don't know, what?
Thing 1: One gets hard faster.
Memes
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
Sorry man... I kinda messed those things up.
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
MMM ppl just chat random things together.... JUST WRITE JOKES YA'LL!
Have anyone seen my balls? I can't find them on my chest.
Hey! My balls are on your thing!
Do you know the phrase "One man's trash is another man's treasure?"
That's a horrible thing to find out when you're adopted.
What's the most motivational thing to say to an orphan? Go big or go home!
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.
These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
What's the good thing about child perverts?
They drive slow in a school zone.
Doctor: I have bad news.
Man: What?
Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.
Man: Oh, no...
Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.
Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!
Would you rather listen to Justin Bieber or die in the slowest and most painful way possible?
They're the same thing.
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.