Thing jokes
I made a website for orphans. The thing is, there was no homepage.
What's the most annoying thing in the world?
When you're told you're still qualified to live.
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
There were 3 Gay Fish in a Tank. One says to the others: "How do you drive this thing?"
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If gravity pulls things down at 9.8 m/s squared, why did the emo kid not come down?
What was the thing that Beethoven used the most?
THE OVEN! (BeethOVEN)
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
What is one thing humans do before they eat?
They beat their meat to make nuggets.
What are two things you could call a fart?
"Gas from the ass" or "Odor from the motor!"
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I am interested in buying this website. Please respond to me in the comments or email me. Thank you, and keep doing good things.
There was a new kid in my school. The first thing the teacher said was, "Me, you, the basement NOW!"
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
If I had a dollar for every time someone did something stupid,
I would have approximately 7.8 Billion dollars.
Thing to say during sex, "grab his dick and twist it!"
I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.
She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.
Stephen Hawking couldn't drink anything.
He'd break if he did.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"
Josh: Cookies.
Jacob: My parents.
Erika: My Friends!
Brody: Lamborghinis.
Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)
My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!
*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
Jeffery Dahmer has two things: an RV and a pit.
What is different about the two is that one can't move and one has gas.
But what is similar is tha-
Wait, what is Jeffery doing? He has a knife, he is pulling men's pants down, he is...OH SHIT WHAT THE F-!
Sorry 'bout that......
Now, as I was saying,
What is similar about the two is that one has and is a cockpit.
Wait, a cockpit- JEFFERY WHAT THE F-!