What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him but and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work...
He’s a suicide bomber.
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps" etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted "they're schools, not shooting ranges".
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.
Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...
My attempts in 2019,2020 and 2021!
There are going so many things through my head. Sadly none of it is a 9mm.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a suicidal person?
If at first you don’t succeed, try again and again until you succeed.
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Snow everywhere, it's Christmas time. A person looks at the tree. The person: Only last thing left to hang! He grabs a noose.
What do you call a group of Emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
What jumps and never let's go?
An Emo kid.
I bet all Emos want to be like their biggest influencers some day.
Dead.
Why do Emos want to be the "Scene" these days?
The only thing I've "Scene" from them is their suicide rate climbing, it's starting to climb quicker than they did to get to the top of whatever they jumped off.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 911 victims?
Well, probably their kneecaps.
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
My name, my address and my phone number.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Whats the worst thing to say at a funeral? "Hi guys, welcome to my unboxing video!"
