Thing jokes
Do you want to be in Heaven with Jesus, our savior, or be on Earth with bad things?
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
The only thing worse for a man than the end of the world is a testicular clinic.
Why are orphans so fond of shadows?
They're the only thing that accompanies them always.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
What are two things orphans can’t have?
Parents.
If I agreed with Leo, then that wouldn’t solve anything. It would just make BOTH of us dumb.
Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.
This is my name: watersharky!
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Why can you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything.
There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.
What is the good thing about child molesters? They drive slow in school zones.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
What were the clownfish doing behind the coral?
Unspeakable things.