Thing jokes
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
I'm Canadian, and I admit we've done some stupid things. But we've never given nuclear launch codes to a literal retard.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite thing to do when nobody's home?
Beat it.
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
What's Michael Jackson's favorite things to say to little boys? "I'd really love to see you-hoo-hoo tonight," and "I can't smile without you-hoo-hoo."
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
What’s one good thing about pedophiles?
They drive slow in school zones.
What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
Why is it that every time I masturbate, things get out of hand?
What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?
Sit down and shut up.
The only thing funnier than the shooting of that healthcare CEO is imagining the look on his wife's face when she got the hospital bill.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.