Thing jokes

Orgasm means two things:

1. During you masturbate.

2. You torture phantoms.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

Why do emo people go to the store with no money?

Because they just scan their bar code and get everything free.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God.

It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?

A. They drive slow through school zones.

I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.

I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

Why do men say funny things? Just to be silly!

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

NORTH INDIANS: Decent, but overrated af. They are the only thing that comes to many ppl's minds when someone says "Indian".

SOUTH INDIANS: Decent, but underrated af. Many ppl don't even know they exist. They are literally asked if they are North Indians.

WEST AND EAST: Decent but underrated af.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

They say that bad things happen to good people.

So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.