Thing jokes

Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?

A. They drive slow through school zones.

There were two twins, and they were both very tall.

The next thing they knew, they were on the floor, and there were planes up their asses.

MMM ppl just chat random things together.... JUST WRITE JOKES YA'LL!

I like touching things that have been in space. I was super excited when I got to meet an astronaut.

Thing 1: What's the difference between nuts and almonds?

Thing 2: I don't know, what?

Thing 1: One gets hard faster.

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.

What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?

They both see things they shouldn't.

When I got to you and I was android and we were all in Minecraft for the last two years and we had the same problem UI with you anymore but you can see it on Instagram that it is not a real time thing or a android.

Hey, join me. I be near the tree. Bring things to.

Sorry man... I kinda messed those things up.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

Orphans and homeless people are the same thing.

What’s one thing a man can do that a woman can’t?

Sit down and shut up.

I am starting a business where I help people count. It is called making the little things count.

I walked in on my little sister when she was naked.

The thing I have to say is that my little sister is a big sister with big tits & ass with juicy lips upstairs & downstairs. I say whoever is going to be my brother-in-law is going to be a very happy person.

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

I'd like to see things from your point of view, but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.