They're jokes
They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?
I am in trouble.
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
Why can't orphans have a big bag of chips?
Because they're family sized!
Why are ninjas' farts so dangerous? Because they're silent and deadly.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
What does a deaf person do when they hear people scream? I don't know; it's not like they're gonna hear it anyway.
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
Did you hear about the band Manhole? I hear they're a metal cover.
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Why does no one sit next to a cheetah during school? Because they're a big cheetah.
Why don't amputees ever get cold? They're always wearing their stump warmers.
You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!