They jokes
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?
To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance, they looked like hare.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."