They jokes
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
When the US Army found Chinese soldiers selling secrets to China, they said, "Looks like we have some chinks in our armor."
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
What's the same with shoes and slaves?
When they get loose, you tie them up.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.