They jokes
How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
So, if the reason people used to hang women was because they were seen as witches back in the day, if boys were to be hung, would they be called wizards?
I love Muslims, they are great at parties!
They have the best fireworks.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Why do animals in polar regions have thick fur? Because they don't have a barber! 🤣 🤣 🤣
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
Q: Why do depressed people always have colored hair?
A: That’s as close as they can get to dye.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.