They jokes
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
Your hairline looks like the McDonald's sign M.
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?
They always say you are what you eat! So Iβd be nothing. That sounds about right.
I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.
What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?
They can't reach 30.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? π π¦
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?
A: The size of balls they play with.
Girls are like volcanoes.
You never know when they will erupt.
If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.