They Jokes

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Do you get jealous of your clothes when they hang from the line?

They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They are big, heavy metal fans!

I want to date depression cuz at least I know they won't leave me.

Meme:

The image shows a cartoon of Tom Cat with a shrug, implying a lack of knowledge about where files are saved. The text above the cat reads, "Android: Files saved. Me: Nice, where are they? Android:". At the bottom right, it shows "@potkan3000". The image also contains "made with mematic" at the bottom left.

What does a bicycle and Jade Goody have in common?

They can't reach 30.

What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?

They both like cracking open a cold one.

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

They say that the tongue is the strongest muscle in the human body. Wanna fight? 👅💦

why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.

Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?

A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.

Q: What's the difference between LeBron James and a priest?

A: The size of balls they play with.

Girls are like volcanoes.

You never know when they will erupt.

If you ever get mad at a person that crumpled their leg, don't forget that they can hide, but they can't run.

How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

What do women and pools have in common?

They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"