They jokes
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimers? Yeah, neither have they.
Jill goes home one night with a guy she met at a club. He's tall, super hot, and seems different than most guys she meets. They arrive at his place and head straight to his room. Jill can't help but notice a shelf full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other.
She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and isn't afraid to show it. Her heart melts and she want to give him the best night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it in the rear! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks, "How was that?" He nods and says, "Not too fuckin' bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf!"
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Memes
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What do Phillip Adam and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.
Me traveling back in time to tell Americans there will be a big tsunami on 9/11/2001, and to survive it they have to climb the two tallest buildings in New York.
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
If some girls are vegan, then why do they suck dick?
Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.