They jokes
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
How do Asian people name their children?
They throw a pan down the stairs.
What would your name be? Msg it to @chelsearosegraham.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
What do Diddy and Turkish men have in common?
They both use lots of oil.
Are your hairline and forehead friends? Because they go way back.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
A pair of Newfies decide to visit Toronto. They drive through Nova Scotia, through New Brunswick, through Montréal, Kingston, Oshawa... then they see a sign that says "Toronto Left", so they turn back around and go home.
When baseball players want to get together, what will they do?
Touch base.
One reason I like to tell riddles is because they help with critical thinking skills.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.
Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)
I am so cool that even the fridge or a snowman would shiver his timbers when they see me :).
What do women and appliances have in common?
If they don't work, hit them until they work.