Cool Jokes

Daniel King
in Ice Cream

Why does the ice cream 🍨 have so many friends?

Because he’s cool.

Anonymous

donkeys are cool

Anonymous
in Puns

How did the hipster burn his tongue? – He drank his coffee before it was cool.

1
Anonymous
in Orphan

Girl: come over orphan: I can’t
Girl: my parents aren’t home ;) orphan: oh cool something we have in common

Spud potato
in Depression

I’m like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside

4
Anonymous

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an “L” on her forehead

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you’re an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you’re a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

It’s a cool place and they say it gets colder You’re bundled up now wait 'til you get older But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin The water’s getting warm so you might as well swim My world’s on fire. How about yours? That’s the way I like it and I’ll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas I need to get myself away from this place I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change

Well, the years start coming and they don’t stop coming Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running Didn’t make sense not to live for fun Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb

So much to do, so much to see So what’s wrong with taking the back streets? You’ll never know if you don’t go You’ll never shine if you don’t glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold

Kncw
in Little Johnny

Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked “mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?” “OH honey thats your monkey.” The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says “my monkey has hair on it” so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas

no1

One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door i felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically and the ghostly sound stopped, terrified I did what I had to and went back to bed. The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, “you have to come with me and see this it’s really important,” Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can’t it wait until the morning?’ I pleaded, “no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically.” She yawned and said, “oh so that’s who’s been peeing in the refrigerator.”

I wanna die
in Octopus

What do you call a cool octopus?

Tenta-cool (tentacle)

2
Domilego4
in Puns

How did the hipster drown?

He ice-skated before it was cool.

Anonymous
in Roast

My sister said that you no that that is really cool than I said you no you can shut up

Anonymous
in Offensive

Japanese people are so cool and organized they have their own ways of suicide

2
Ruthra
  • Got myself a bathroom scale so now I know exactly how much I poop
  • Right. So you weight yourself before and after you poop and calculate the difference? That’s cool.
  • Oh…that might actually be even easier
Anonymous

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during world war two. He was an officer. Me: Cool, what rank of officer? Jim: SS. Me: …

Anonymous
in Alphabet

Why is the B so cool because it’s in between AC

Anonymous

people: you’re ugly me: ok people: I hate you me: cool IDC people: you’re annoying me: good for me people: BTS is dumb me: I’ll give you 5 seconds to run

Anonymous
in Basketball

Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?

A: They stand near the fans!🏀🏀😆😆

hit or miss

I say 1 2 3 all the kids bullied me but now they’re not so cool cuz I shot up the school

0
Anonymous
in Fridge

why did the fridge have lots of friends?

Cause it was COOL

Anonymoose
in Puns

Why did the hipster burn his tounge?-He sipped his coffee before it was cool