Thereness jokes
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
There was an enemy with a machine gun.
My commander said, "Un-arm the enemy."
So I ran over to the enemy and chopped his arms off.
There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?
Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...
Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve!
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Not Sally.
I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
What happens if you put your hand in glue? Your hand will stay there forever! I'm joking, hahaha!
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
How do you turn a hairy man into a feminist?
Just take out his brain and there you go!
A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Chicken.
Chicken who?
Are you chicken me????!!!!
"Prince? Are you still there?"
So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?
Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".