The 30+ Best Regret Jokes

What the worst thing about committing suicide, You can only do it once

What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself, It wasn't Sooner

last night i burned down an orphanage there was one survivor who said i would regret it i said "what are you gonna do, tell your parents?"

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death you may end up regretting it, you can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if i’m wrong.

Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regreted it. She left him too.

This year my friends wanted to dress up as crayons for Halloween. They asked me if I wanted to be a tan crayon. I didn’t want to, but I said yes to be nice. I wish I had said no, because now I look like a dick to everyone else.

there was always that one SPECIFIC person u THOUGHT ruined ur life,but it turns out ur life has always been ruined by u being in it..

I'm not saying I hate you. I'm just saying that if I could go back in time I'd give your mom a coat hanger.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I bought a ceiling fan the other day.

It was a complete waste of money.

He just stands there applauding and saying

"Ooh, I love how smooth it is."

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there, trust me you won’t regret it

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something. Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

The other day i pushed a Chinese women off the golden gate bridge i was Wong on so many levels.

Marry or don't marry, you will regret both!

Guys don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section it was the worst mistake of my life!

Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book. Man 2: aww books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore. Man 1: She was in the road and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore