Thereness jokes

Kid: Dad, what's a dark joke?

Dad: Well, you see that guy over there? Tell him to wave.

Kid: But Dad, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly, also the dude had no arm.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!

Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

Urmom.

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

The plane crashed. There are 5 seats in Bordeaux and usually 4 parachute seats.

The first song goes: "I am Cristiano Ronaldo, the best player in the world, so fly with the first helmet."

One of Ivanka Trump's former supporters said: "I was the US President's teacher." And take an umbrella and fly.

Former US Secretary of State Donald Trump said: "I am the President of the United States. I am the president of the United States of America, not responsible to the people. Design our package and jump."

"I'm glad," said the next passenger, Popstag, as he approached. Then the boy explained: "I still can't see anyone's problem. The President of the United States is in my bag..."

There’s no “I” in team, but there is a “U” in cunt.

Hey any riding with Biden fans out there?

I ran out of gas and could really use a ride so if one of ya'll can call me and pick me up that'd be great and I can't get gas because I only have 20 bucks which is like 1-5 and a half, help me please.

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

One Easter Sunday, a man goes to church and returns home with two black eyes.

His wife inquires as to how he got the black eyes.

The man goes on to say, “a lady stood up in front of me during mass, I saw her dress was stuck in her butt crack, so I reached out and tugged it out. She whirled around, became furious, and punched me in the eye.”

“That explains one black eye,” the wife says, “but what about the other?” The man explains, “I figured she must have liked her dress stuck up in her butt crack, so when she turned around I stuffed it back up there.”

There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?

They left someone for memories!

I found a place before called an orphanage, but when I was allowed in there were lots of kids, and I said, "Where's your parents? Oh yeah, you're orphans." Gosh, that was one heck of a day!

How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

I see what you did there.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Yull.

Yull who?

You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!

Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it? In case there's a salad dressing.