That jokes

Dad: How was your trip to the park?

Daughter: It was good until the man came along.

Dad: *gasps* Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened?

Daughter: He made my friends go away so it was just me and him... then he took my dress off...

Dad: Oh God, what next?

Daughter: Nothing, that was it.

Dad: Oh, come on! That wasn't exciting, make something up!

As a son, I was starting to do pranks. I told my mom’s boyfriend that she cheated on him and she doesn’t want to be with him anymore, and I told him that my mom said that he had a small penis. He left my mom, and she was mad at me. I thought it was funny.

Then I told my friend’s girlfriend that he cheated on her with another girl, and the girl told me that my friend had a small penis. He found out and wanted to confront me in my house. I wasn’t home. My friend told my mom what happened. Then my mom said the same thing happened to me. I came home one day, I saw my mom giving my friend a blow job. I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, "Your mom is my new girlfriend," and my mom said, "This is the penis of my dreams."

You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.

I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.

"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋

Roses are red.

Your passports are blue.

Now go stand over there,

In that very long queue!

Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.

Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.

Yo mama is so fat that Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

Little William punched Little Johnny in the face. Then Little Johnny says, "If you do that again, I'm gonna turn your fucking nuts into coconut juice."

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"