That jokes

You’re so fat that when you sit on the toilet, it says, “A B C D E F G, get your butt off of me!”

Me: Hey Siri, did you know Candice died?

Siri: Yes, I was informed she died from sugondese.

Me: What is that?

Siri: Sugondese nuts.

A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.

Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

That awkward moment when a fat kid says, “That’s how I roll.”

Your forehead is so big that it made Mona Lisa smile.

Yo mama so fat, that when she fell I didn’t laugh, but damn that sidewalk cracked up. 👋

Roses are red.

Your passports are blue.

Now go stand over there,

In that very long queue!

Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.

Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.

Yo mama is so fat that Naruto couldn’t make enough shadow clones to surround her.

Yo mama is so fat that a whole forest grew on her, but it was sad because she really smells, so the forest died.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

What do the people in heaven that died on the Titanic call the Titanic? The Dietanic.