Technology jokes

A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?

The apple was already bitten.

The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"

I was at my grandpa's this weekend and I sent my online girlfriend nudes, and when I sent them, my grandpa's phone went off, so he went on his phone, then my girlfriend replied.

Why are there not that many phones in China? Because there’s too much Wing and Wong, so they will "wing" the wrong number.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

What kind of pictures do turtles take?

Shelfies.

What were Stephen Hawking's last words?

[Link to YouTube video]

You make the juice go through my power brick.

Electricity.

Why should you never fart in an Apple store?

Because they have no Windows!

How many apps did he download?

Well, he did run out of storage.

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

Yo mama so fat that she broke your computer!

lol

What's the difference between America and a flash drive?

One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂

What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?

They're both inside jobs.

What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?

When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady? You can unscrew a lightbulb.

When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.