Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
As l get older I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice
Gow do you keep tour friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
I tour up my homework, but I then replaced it with this copy it may look like it but trust me its diffrenet! The answers ARE RIGHT better than left!
I did a nock nock jock to an orphan i said nock nock he said who is there and i said not tour parentes
I went to the Dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.
An american is touring the Soviet union. A russian takes him to a school so he can see what its like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The american asks whats wrong and he cries "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
Now touring: Stephen Hawking unplugged
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Joseph Jackson wants Michael's kids to tour as the Jackson 3
as i grow older, i remember all the people i lost along the way. maybe tour guide wasn't the right career choice for me...
Today, my family visited Disneyland. When we got to the hall of fame, I was shocked to find a statue of the BielefeldMan. The tour guide said “That’s Lewandisney. He owns the biggest collection of Disney TAP-INS and is a Mickey Mouse clubhouse member” Well done Lewandisney
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
I heard he's doing a revival tour next month, it's called Stephen Hawking unplugged.
When your little brother hears noice from tour room and your the only one in it
I sat down and reminised about the past, I remembered all the people I've lost along the way. Maybe becoming a Tour Guide wasn't a good idea.
A horse a fox and a bunny join together and make a rock band they started doing tiny gigs but they got famous and went on tour they all got so famous it went to their heads and the band disbanded the fox made his and bunny made her own the horse was sad that the band was no more so he went to a bar and the bartender asked why the long face
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch. “Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said “Son. That is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games".
therapist: and what is it about this generation that bothers you?
satan: i give them the intro tour and they just say shit like “ooo spooky lol”
therapist: that's not so bad
satan: when i showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said “big mood”
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater; not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her; every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well, that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every tuesday - just to keep her spirits up.
One tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story, and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: I work as a magician in the touring show - today we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate - but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin.
