Suicide jokes
What do you tell a depressed person?
Just hang in there!
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
One day, there are friends having fun.
Hours later, one of the friends, Alice, wanted to leave and said, "Cya guys, I'm just gonna hang in the tree and have some fresh air."
And they all agree.
Hours go by, and the group of friends are ready to go home, but then they see a tree in the distance that looks like someone is hanging on the tree with a tight rope.
I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"
What's red and spins really fast?
Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
When there are more suicidal people, it means there are fewer suicidal people. That means there is an infinite generator of them.
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
Why do emos hang themselves? Because no one wants to hang around them.
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree, which will hit the ground first?
The piece of paper because the rope will stop the emo.
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
JACK smoked some shit in the casino bathroom.
Then fucked a slut, played some slots, took some shots, then shot a JOKER!
It's a sad story, because JACK killed himself, but he died with a smile.
I decided that I'll end it all, but when I drove off, I remembered I forgot to do the dishes.
When I was feeling suicidal, I called the suicide hotline and they left me hanging.
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
Q. How do U get the emo out of the tree?
A. Cut the rope.
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.