Suicide jokes
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
I'm so skinny, I could use floss as a noose.
When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.
If an apple and an emo kid fell out of a tree, which would hit the ground first?
The apple, because the rope caught the emo kid.
How ISS greets their friend.
"You the BOMB!"
That one depressed friend.
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
I was going to kill myself, but in the end, it doesn't even matter.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
My ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's going to be hanging tonight.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, bleach.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.
Me: What do you call 4 depressed kids?
My friend: What?
Me: The Suicide Squad.
A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."