Still jokes

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

Hey guys, I’m back, just wondering if anyone is still on this that wants me to make more.

I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A.

I would tell you a construction pun, but I'm still working on it.

What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?

A pair of gloves!

Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.

Rape jokes are like your dad's dick. You don't want it but you still get it anyway.

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while he was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

Why did little sally fall off the swings?

Because she had no arms.

What did sally get for Christmas?

Gloves! Only joking...she still hasn’t opened the box.

My ex-wife still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

I still remember my grandpa's last words: "Turn the lawn mower off!"

Today, I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I still single?" and it activated the front camera.

Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."

Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."

Bully: "Haha, nice joke."

Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."

Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."

Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."

Chuck Norris and Time had a race.

Result: Time is still running...

So, my sister is a feminist. I asked her, "Do you want to hear a rape joke?" She said no. I still decided to force one down her throat anyway.

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."