Still jokes
In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."
Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay?
A: He's the one the sheep fuck!
(I'm gay, and I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate, but I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
"Prince? Are you still there?"
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently not 343,646 because my basement is still as dark as yours.
How do people grade pedophiles?
1st grade to 8th grade.
(I know it's orphan jokes but still)
What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven? Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.
Jo Mama is so fat, I left her printing last year, and she is still printing!
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
You're so boring that you make war veterans die quicker, and yet they're still on life support.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
I saw a Black person riding a bike, so I ran back to my garage. He was still eating.
I killed 5 orphans and tried to sell their organs.
Nobody still wanted them.
What's the most annoying thing in the world?
When you're told you're still qualified to live.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
It's past April Fool's Day, and we still have a joke as president.
What's the difference between cancer and my dad?
Cancer is still here. 😂😂😅😅😐😐😪😪😥😥😭😭