I woke up this morning thinking it was gonna be a great day. But then I realized I was still alive.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Balls are anoyying they just bounce and never keep still
Why do orphans eat dry cereal for breakfast? Their still waiting for their dad to come back with the milk.
What did the snail say to his ex-wife? I'm still leaving you!
I love still things
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
When I was watching my daughter at the park earlier, another parent asked a man, "Which one is yours?" and he replied, "I ́m still choosing." She looked horrified.
why do emo kids dont jump there still in the sky
Does anyone still look at this if you do tell me if I should make more jokes :)
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here
Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jack and Jill went up the hill to start to build the still for Jill, Jack stopped and said to drunkin' Jill to build this still will take so long, Jill said to Jack well F---k the still and kiss my ass, and watch me take another pill.
Someone asked me why I'm Still here...the answer is simple I don't want to be used as a school assembly
You travel to the past into the era where julius caesar is still alive. He thinks you may be from the future to bring him good news. He asks you, "How do I die? ̈
You reply with: ̈Surrounded by friends ̈
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Must be more than 13, because my basement is still dark
I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it's perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. -- But he's still making fun of me.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies. What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive. What is worse still? It has to eat its way out. What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
