To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
Speed Jokes
Who are the fastest readers?
911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?
He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."
When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
Who reads the fastest?
The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers. He took out 83 stories in one go.
I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.
Gravity sure is fast.
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"
I was going to kill them with kindness, but then I realized using a knife is a lot faster.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
