Speed jokes
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?
Because her wheelchair was good.
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
Who is the fastest reader? The 9/11 victims, because they went through 20 stories.
What is cheetah's favorite taste to run fast?
Cheetah outta here!
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!