Speed jokes
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
Memes
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
There was this Down syndrome boy that always wanted to be a cop, and he did. He pulled someone over and said, "Know why I pulled you over?"
The guy replied, "Because I was speeding?"
He said, "No, because you're black."
Who is the fastest reader? The 9/11 victims, because they went through 20 stories.
Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?
Because her wheelchair was good.
What is cheetah's favorite taste to run fast?
Cheetah outta here!
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.