Speed jokes
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.
What is red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
Who is the fastest reader? The 9/11 victims, because they went through 20 stories.
Why are cheetahs bad at running away? They always get spotted.
Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?
Because her wheelchair was good.
What is cheetah's favorite taste to run fast?
Cheetah outta here!
Simba was walking too slow so I told him to Mufasa.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
What card is the slowest and slimiest?
Ace-nail.
Yo mama is so slow, they had to wait six hours for the crane to finally show up.
How fast is the speed of sex?
68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
Sonic says: "Gotta go fast!"
The Hulk SMASH!
Orphan says: "Gotta go home!"
You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.
What is more fun than spinning a clown around on a clothes line at 100 miles an hour?
Stopping it with a pitchfork.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they went through 91 stories in 11.2 seconds.