Speed jokes
Yo mama is so fat that when she sits on the internet, it will take a day to send!
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
I sexually identify as kilometers per second.
Cuz I really wanna km/s (kill myself).
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
I wonder if Stephen Hawking was an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-kart.
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
Candy is dandy.
But liquor is quicker.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
What food does a cheetah eat?
Fast food.
What is an epileptic's least favorite superhero? The Flash.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.