Speed jokes
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭
Why were the people in the Twin Towers such good readers?
They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds.
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"
"Because I was Russian!"
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
What's better than seeing a baby swing around on a clothesline at 60km/h? Stopping it with a cricket bat.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village.
My brother caught Covid last month.
First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"
I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.