Someone's jokes
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
Question: How was Covid-19 born?
Answer: Someone fucked Batman! 😂
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
If I could make someone tell me their last words, they'd say, "Make me."
Someone was crushing a bag of chips. I said, "Are you making edibles?"
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Why do orphans go to church so they can call someone "father?"
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.
Why did the orphan become gay? Because he wanted to call someone "daddy."
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.