Someone's jokes
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
Why did orphans have to drink their own piss?
Because last time they went to the bar, they went with their dad and drank some Corona, then got drunk and started eating someone's toenails, so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody had to evacuate the bar. Then the orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world, so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to, so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldn't die and loved it. So then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking, so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on YouTube, and the boy became famous, so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk, then the little boy became really rich.
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Someone’s gonna get scarred
As we speak now, someone is making arrangements for December with your girlfriend.
What has teeth but doesn't use them to chew? The answer would be a comb or a piano, but technically, if you ripped someone's teeth out and hand them to them, they have teeth but can't chew with them.
What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?
One of them is a domesticated pet.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Someone unplugged the WiFi router.
Hitler was talking about how to fight in WW2 when someone sneezed while Hitler was giving a speech, so Hitler yelled, "WHO SNEEZED ROW 1? DID ANYONE SNEEZE?" They said no, and Hitler shot everybody. Same for row 2 & 3, but in row 4 someone nervous said, "Me, I'm sorry." Then Hitler said, "Bless you."
When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Why do orphans go to church?
So they can call someone father!
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they can finally call someone "father!"
What’s the difference between a parentless child and someone who is fond of unprocessed metals?
One is an orphan, and the other is an ore fan.
I live in a world made of cheese. Someone stubbed their toe and screamed, "Cheese-its, Christ!"
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
What's the difference between Pikachu and an orphan?
At least someone chose Pikachu.