Someone's jokes
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
What’s the difference between a police man and a bullet?
At least when a bullet kills someone, it’s actually fired.
Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.
Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
Why does an orphan go to church?
So it has someone to call father.
Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.
Why do orphans love going to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?
One of them has someone to mourn them.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?
An American.
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?
He thinks she should stand up for herself.
Why do orphans love role-plays?
Because they can call someone "daddy."
What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?
“My Mommy Comes Back”
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.