Someone's jokes

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

To have someone to call "daddy!"

I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.

Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?

Because they want to feel wanted.

Why did the orphan turn gay?

A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."

What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?

Orthopediphilia.

How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?

They have a dot in the middle of the head.

Why do orphans love going to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.

Why does an orphan go to church?

So it has someone to call father.

Are you a professor? I have a theory about sex that I need to test on someone.

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.