Someone's jokes

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.

If you ever think no one cares about you,

kill someone, then the news will.

How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?

They have a dot in the middle of the head.

What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?

Orthopediphilia.

How do you know someone is fucking dumb?

They put jokes that have been used several times already.

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

To have someone to call "daddy!"

Why did the orphan turn gay?

A: Because he wanted someone to call him "daddy."

Someone went to fly and thought of pizza.

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”

What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?

Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.

Someone threatened to break into my house, but I am in a wheelchair. I said sure, and I moved everything upstairs and sat on the stairs so he couldn’t steal anything.

Why do orphans love going to church?

Because they can call someone "father."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, there’s a sign, but then someone tells me that’s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.

Why do orphans always go to white vans when someone asks?

Because they want to feel wanted.

I found someone's hairline. It was on the western front.