Smoking jokes
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Why did the rapper smoke dope?
To learn how to drop some DOPE beats!
Why are Germans good at smoking?
They had experience with smoking.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals.
In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them, and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky.
The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud!"
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What do fish smoke? A puffer.
There's no smoke or fire without a Muslim.
What do you do if your dick is smoking?
Get your mum to lick it.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.