Smoking jokes
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?
Cremation.
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They’re draining the economy doooown!
They’ve spent our budget on weed
and lube to spill Jack’s seed.
They’ve ruined our wonderful town!
We're gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
They have no moralityyyy.
They’re spreading degeneracy.
We ain't what we used to be.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
but then they stopped at the tippy top to smoke some marijuana.
They went to the store, and got some more, to fetch a “few” more beers.
Next day they came, ran off again, repeat for 24 years.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill!
They’ve banked off buying boooze!
They’ll drink and sell the price
at the original times thrice.
Corruption wins, the avg. folk’ll loseee.
We’re gonna have to kill
no good Jack and Jill.
Their kids’re in the business tooo!
They’re draining all our banks.
Give 'em well deserved spanks.
We’ve got to kill ol' no good Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill Netflix and chilled and made a grave mistaake.
What a blunder, there was no rubber, now they’re a house of eeiiight!
A bolt went off, they opened shop to resell their porn and lean.
It all went swell, but for us, well, we’re now an oligarchy!
WE’LL KILL OL' JACK AND JILL!
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
"BlessedBrian must be a SMOKE DETECTOR... because he never fails to kill the vibe."
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.
Why did the rapper smoke dope?
To learn how to drop some DOPE beats!
Why are Germans good at smoking?
They had experience with smoking.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What's the difference between Pink Floyd and George Floyd?
When Pink Floyd can't breathe, it's because all their fans are smoking pot.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?
Because they’ll get stoned.