Skill jokes
People with Down syndrome have a specific skill only they have; they can give a blow job and talk to you while sounding exactly the same.
I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!
Some people can juggle chainsaws. Chuck Norris can juggle people juggling chainsaws.
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
When I tell my bf I saw him fall yesterday.
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor...
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Why can’t Indian women drive?
They’re too used to riding their camels.
Did you know I'm a really fast reader?
I can go through a few stories in just a few seconds!
I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I suck at darts.
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
Why are Americans so good at Rubik's Cubes?
They are skilled at separating colors.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.