Pitch jokes
Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying, Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died, and two weeks later, Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said, "I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next."
I ran over an emo yesterday? I wanted to let him see pitch black.
I threw a lamp at an emo? I tried to lighten up his day.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?
A bat.
When I went to the basketball pitch, I saw a man dribbling his own balls.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
Why don't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why do orphans hate playing sports in school?
Because they never get picked.
Why do orphans hate cricket?
Because they can't get a "homerun."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
Also, what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.