Pitch jokes
The reason why you have a high pitched voice is because you always sing opera.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
My son and I went on a tour to the Old Trafford Stadium. We were admiring the 76,000 seat arena when he suddenly pointed at the pitch.
“Dad, who is that man camping there?” I said, “Son, that is Bruno Penandes. He lives in that Penalty box. He only performs in small games.”
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where the home is.
Also, what do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said, "You are what we are looking for, but I need to test your skills." He hands her a pen. He said, "Sell me this pen." She puts it between her boobs.
What's better than throwing dead babes?
Catching them after with a pitchfork.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?”
Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
Why do orphans hate playing sports in school?
Because they never get picked.
Why was the rapper bad at baseball?
Because he couldn't stop DROPPING HITS.
What talks high pitched and can't fly?
A gay man in Iran.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
I wondered why the pitcher hadn’t pitched the ball yet.
Then it hit me.
What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?
A bat.