Skill jokes
How do you know America's bad at chess?
They lost 2 towers!
Why are Americans good at Rubik's Cubes?
They're so good at separating colors.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
FUCKING ELI BRUUUU
I had a goldfish that could break dance on the carpet... but only for, like, twenty seconds and only once.
Why is Job good at Minecraft? Because he is noob, noob, noob, noob, noob. NOOB!
Me: How does this thing work?
ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.
ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*
Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.
I was the manager at a McDonald’s in Turin when I saw Penaldo walk in and submit a job application. I asked him to show me his skills and experience, but he just started diving and asking for pens and tap-ins. I was confused until Penaldo told me that’s all he knows how to do.
How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?
Because there is no one to teach them.
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Why is America so bad at playing Jenga?
Because they already lost two towers.
Why are dolphins so smart?
Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!