Size jokes
You're so short that you build a tiny house for yourself.
You're so short that you don't have to open the front door to get inside the house.
You're so fat that you're as big as UY Scuti!
What do you call a short fortune-teller that escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
Your mama so fat, when she put a leg in the car, the wheels deflated.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
Hey guess what...
What...
My penis is big.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
Your mom is so fat, she can't make it through the door.
Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
You're so fat your ass has 2 zip codes.
You are the reason double doors were invented.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
What is never ordered in an orphanage?
A family sized pizza!
Yo mama has such a big forehead, she is the CEO of foreheads!
Yo mama is so fat, she got locked in a weapon store, and she broke it down without any weapons.
Name an ant which is very heavy?
Eleph-ant.