Small jokes
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
Today, a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
Bully: "I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the shower you can't even see it."
Guy: "No, I see your sister's head."
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
If you leave your small children inside a shower with Kelly Clarkson, you're a filthy parent.
Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Spongebob and Jacko have one thing in common.
They both routinely place meat in small buns.
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there's a small medium at large!
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets." "Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo." "Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three." "Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant." "Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow." "What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
Little Johnny tried phone sex, but the holes were too small.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.