Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. – I gave him a glass of water.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”
Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”
“What does that tell you?”
Watson pondered for a minute.
“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
Did you hear about the fortune telling dwarf that escaped from prison?
Reports say there’s a small medium at large!
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah.”
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”
The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ¨You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?¨ The Cuban simply says, ¨See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap.¨ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Oh, OK.¨
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ¨You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?¨ The Russian simply states, ¨See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap.¨ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ¨Ah, yes! Of course.¨
The American scratches his head and goes, ¨I think I see the pattern here.¨ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!¨
Why do ballerinas wear tutus? The one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner. “What are my choices?” he asked.
“Yes or No,” she replied.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”
The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”
“Yeah, that’s the one!”
Why do mermaids wear seashells? They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
How do you get a baby into a small bowl? A blender. How do you get it out? Tostito chips.
What’s red, small, wet and crawls up your leg?
- A homesick abortion
A tiny psychic escaped from jail and the news said there a small medium at large.
What is purple, small , and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can’t even see it.
Guy: No I see your sister’s head
according to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly, it wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don’t care about what humans think is impossible, Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black
Your dick is so small it’s the size of a tic tac. Oh, that’s why your mom’s breath was so fresh last night.
Why are all women’s feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove
Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison? He’s a small medium at large.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Hang on a second.
- Oan you believe this is happening?
- I can’t. I’ll pick you up.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I’m excited.
Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B’s.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz.
- Ow! That’s me!
- Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000.
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Kyles penis is small