Size jokes

Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.

Your dick is so small it's the size of a tic tac. Oh, that's why your mom's breath was so fresh last night.

What do you call a fat fortune teller? A four-chin teller.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

Q: What do you call a tsunami?

A: Your mom's water breaking.

One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.

Then it hit me.

Your forehead is so big, I can write an essay on it.

What do you call a dick that's too small to see?

Tick-tack dick.

Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

Levi and Andrew are fat.

To start, I'm a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

Yo mama is so fat that when she put on a yellow dress, people called her "taxi."

I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.

Then it hit me.

I know a baby carrot when I see one.

I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.

You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!

Your d*** size...