"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
What's a pirate's favourite letter?
(People will then say r)
Arrr, you think it be r but really it's the C that they love.
What's a pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material and your internet will be cut off.
Doctor:Iโm so srry sir but u only have a couple months left The sir:my children will be devastated Doctor:but I have a shot that can change that The sir:wat ever it takes Suppressed gunshots
"Waiter, my steak is too skinny." "It's a strip steak, sir." "At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"
Little Johnny was walking down a dirt country road, and he came upon a old farmer leaning against a fence looking sad shaking his head. He walked up to the the old farmer and asked him what's wrong. The Old Farmer said, " my mule, he just won't do nothing, he don't work any more, always looking sad, barely eat, just sad." Little Johnny said, "can I go talk him?" "Sure, The Old Farmer said, he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went back in the barn, seen the mule just sad, and sighing.. A few minutes laters, Little Johnny came out and said, "You're mule fixed." The Old Farmer ran in, and seen the mule laughing, just rolling, and crying laughing.. "Thank you, thank you," The Old Farmer said, and Little Johnny was on his way.. Well, a few days later, Little Johnny was walking down the same old dirt road, and came upon The Old Farmer again, looking sad.. "What's the matter?" Little Johnny asked.. "It's my mule again, ever since you talked him he won't do nothing, he won't work, just laughing all day, what did you say?" "Can I go in and talk to him again?" Little Johnny asked. "Sure," said The Old Farmer, "he's back in the barn." Little Johnny went in the barn and a few minutes later came back out. "Your mule fixed sir." The Old Farmer went in seen the mule 'Crying' crying really hard. The Old Farmer came running out of the barn, "Hey boy! What did you say to my mule, one day he's sad, then laughing, now he's crying, just what did you say to my mule?" Little Johnny smiled and answered, "We'll the first time I told him my dick was bigger than his, this time I showed it to him"
How do you get out 500 drunk TTC people? "Ah Antson fire a warning shot." " Uhhh sir its a M92 mortar." " Ah just fire the shot." Please get out before you get triggered from the pool and you have no clothes showing your nono parts. Oh wait please get out of the pool drunk people. Potato potatoes fire ze shot.
aww its a boy let me cut of the ombelicul cored sir thats his penis its a girl
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai.
He bought a home on a small piece of land.
The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy.
He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens.
Not wanting to interrupt these 'Chinese customs', he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day.
Next day he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees him urinate into a glass and then drink it.
Not wanting to interrupt another 'Chinese custom', he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.
A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the neighbour leading a bull down the drive way and then put his left ear next to the bull's butt.
The American dude can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, "Jeez man, what the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it and then today you have your head so close to that bull's butt, it could just about shit on you."
The Chinese man is very taken back and says, "Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I am doing, these are American Customs."
'What do you mean' says the neighbor, "Those aren't American customs."
"Yes they are, man at travel agent tell me" replied the Chinese man. "He say to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks get piss drunk and listen to bull-shit!"
So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying thereโs a new pub in town and theyโre giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you canโt go in. The Irish man says why canโt I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. Iโm blind itโs a seeing eye dog. The owner says thatโs ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??๐
A burgur walks into a bar and says: "Hi sir can I have a glass of water?" And the waiter says: "I'm sorry sir we don't serve food here,"
[ when a cop meets a pothead on April 20th ]
Officer : Hi, how high are you?
Pothead : No officer, it's how are you
Officer : oh im sorry ive been high since last night
Pothead : cool, i'd like to give you sum weed, happy 420 sir
Officer : omg thx man appreciate that
Gwen: Hi sir how are you? Tj: Good... you? Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date It seems like you need one ๐! Tj: ๐. Gwen: Here this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend! Tj: Thanks but um don't you think you should be um getting in side too? Gwen: ๐. No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! ๐. Tj: NO!!!!!!
1 day later. Gwen: ๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐ค๐คฐ๐คฐ๐คฐ๐ฉโ๐งโ๐ฆ
"Sir, we're mining too many useless mineral ores." Hitler: "Mine less, then."
Grammar Nazi bursts in: "MINE FEWER."
Hitler looks over: "Yes?"
What do you call an abo with a shotgun? Sir.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touch each other or anything, so sir, I did not drop-kick that child
How do you try to shout at someone On the Bottom of the ground?
"Hey Sir! Are you dead?'
There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is brain, the brother's name is nobody and the sister's name is everybody. One day, nobody killed everybody and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, ''NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!'' ''Sir, are you okay?'' The police asked. ''I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!'' The father yelled even louder. ''Are you mad?'' The police asked. ''Yes because my name is Mad!'' The father exclaimed. ''Where's your brain?'' Asked the police. ''At home because my wife name is Brain.'' The father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
I said to him: "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender โgive me 2 beersโ. The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guys beers bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender โhey what are u doing I didnโt order for bud lights I want corona beerโ. The bartender replies โ sir I gave you a mix of bud light and corona and itโs on the house everyone is drinking corona tonightโ.
