The 90+ Best Sir Jokes

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

What is the difference between Sir Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed

Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him "sir are you drunk?" The man responds "No sir i'm not drunk." So the Officer asks "how high are you?" And the man responds "no sir, its high how are you."

"Sir, I'm afraid your son can't attend our swimming lessons anymore."

"Why not?"

"He keeps peeing in the pool."

"Well, all kids pee in the pool."

"Not from the diving board!"

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

Michael Jakson gets really ill so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there he says 'am i in heaven?' The doctor replies 'Nah sir we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward.'

“What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”

One day Nathan came in ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Nathan, what do you have to say for yourself?" Nathan says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Dave came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Dave, what do you have to say for yourself?" Dave says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then Mike came in a further ten minutes late to Mr Jones's class. Mr Jones asked him, "Mike, what do you have to say for yourself?" Mike says, "Please sir, I was on top of Cherry Hill. Then five minutes later a new girl walked in to Mr Jones's lesson. Mr Jones is at the end of his tether now and says, "Who are you and why are you late?" The new girl says, "Sir, I'm called Cherry Hill"

dentist: open up sir

me:so..i hate my life my family my sisters my dog my cat and i tried to take a bath with my toaster but my dog took it that's why i hate my dog and my cat died trying to chew my rope it choked.....yea

dentist: i.. meant your mouth .. so i can clean your teeth

me: :O ohhhh my bad

dentist : do u need help??

me: yep

dentist:...

me: ....

Therapist: so what brought you here today? wife: he's too literal Therapist: and you sir? husband: my truck

"Waiter, my steak is too skinny." "It's a strip steak, sir." "At these prices, it should not only strip, but sing and dance too!"

I once saw a one handed man in a second hand store. I said to him: "i don't think they have what you're looking for sir"

"What's your name, son?" The principal asked his student. The kid replied, "D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir." "Do you have a stutter?" the principal asked. The student answered, "No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk."

So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂

Sir, I mustache you a question... Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

so there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs that said hey sir i've never been fucked before will you do the honors and fuck me, so I threw her in the ocean and said well your fucked now.