Short jokes
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.
The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
They found out that Michael Jackson was transgender, he went from he/him to hee-hee.
What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.
Shoot.
I was going to make a joke about a piece of paper.
It's just too tear-able.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
Why did the sexy 12 year old girl with cerebral palsy get raped? Because her parents didn’t have the decency to drown her at birth.
Man: Can you be my girlfriend?
Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.
Man: Oh, here's your rope.
Why is he ourple?
If she refuses to suck and threatens to bite, just knock her teeth out. Call it the “Bloody Gummer”.
What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
Where is an elephant’s penis?
On their feet, because if you get trampled on, you’re fucked.
One time I ate a chair.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁