Short jokes
What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
So what does stress and energy mean?
Beer.
What do you call anal rape?
Ass cream.
George Floyd is the fresh prince of no air.
Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
Bender.
Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture, it was just her.
If my cat was a cactus, doesn't that make him a catus?
Q: Why didn't the Oak tree win the election?
A: He didn't get the votes he was oaking for, because he was not the popular vote.
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
I like school.
To people who say that depression hits hard...
The car begs to disagree.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?
They both got a 10% survival rate...
When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
What did Amtrak say at the Olympics?
I AM keeping Trak!