Short jokes
Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?
Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!
I was going to tell you a cow joke...
But it's pasture bed time.
Patient: Sorry I'm so nervous, this is my first surgery.
Doctor: Oh, don't worry, mine too!
Why was Santa Santa?
Because it was Santa! Hahahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A. A dino-snore.
What are some red flags?
Chinese, Danish, Spanish, Turkish and Albanian.
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.
Yo momma so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down!
What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?
They both erupt when triggered.
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!
I met a fat chick at the beach.
People started asking me what I use for bait, or do you want us to help throw the whale back in the water?
When's the best day to get the chair? Fry-day.
Why is Johnson’s baby shampoo the best lubricant for anal sex?
- No more tears.