Short jokes
How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.
Q: How did Helen Keller get a concussion?
A: She kept stepping on a rake.
What was the worse purchase America ever made?
Spending billions on two rice cookers in 1945.
What does an orphan have that a homeless person doesn’t?
A home, but what does a homeless person have that orphans don’t?
A parent.
I was sweating like Michael Jackson in a Chuck E. Cheese.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
Q: Why is China so bad at baseball?
A: They already ate the bat.
People are like sharks; only the great ones are white.
What does the Cow say to the spy?
"Are you udder cover?"
What do you call a man with no hands? Clapless.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
Trump is so orange that he makes the Oompa Loompas look white.
What do you call a girl who is thirsty for water?
An H2hoe.
What did the bird say to the other bird?
Nothing, because birds can't talk.
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
What did God say when he made Jake Paul?
"Oops, I made a mistake."
So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"